PageOneLit.com: What is the story behind
Letters From the Heart Project?
Lisa Delman: In March of 1998, my mother
suffered a massive heart attack. She was revived three times
in a matter of moments, and the doctors gave her only a 20% chance
of surviving. As my mother lay in a coma in intensive care, my
heart was flooded with so many emotions. I felt overwhelming
sadness, pain, anger, and love all at once. Shocked by the thought
of losing my mother, I grappled with the following questions:
What if I had no time left to tell my mother how I felt? What
if I were never able to hear my mother’s voice on the telephone?
Miraculously, my mother came out of a coma and fully recovered
from her illness. I understood after this experience that many
of the issues I resented her for were more about me than her.
I began to empathize with 
her
as a woman – not just as a mother, and in this moment, viewed
my mother and our relationship from a new perspective.I was very
fortunate to receive another chance with my loving mother. A
dear friend, and a very special and powerful teacher, Chaim Daskal,
inspired me to write a letter to my mother, articulating in print
all the things I wanted to communicate to her – before it
was too late. That one letter turned into a series of eleven
letters and became a catalyst for a healing between my mother
and I. I had not planned to do anything more with my letters.
I was happy for the extraordinary results it produced with my
mother and I. Yet, as I told others about the catharsis I had
experienced through the letters, a grander vision was waiting
in the wings. Women’s responses painfully reminded me that,
unfortunately we have unfinished business, unspoken emotions,
and unfulfilled relationships with our mothers. I truly believe
in emphasizing the importance of expressing our feelings and
healing our relationships while we still can, so we can bring
more value to our lives. Thus, the Letters from the Heart Project
was born.
PageOneLit.com: What have been the results
of the Project so far?
Lisa Delman: Between February and June of
2004, 88 women whose letters were selected as honorable mention
winners, participated in a questionnaire. The questions were
targeted specifically to the results they received from releasing
emotion and experiencing resolution through the letter-writing
process. The four questions were: 1) Do you want your real name
to be used with your letter? 2) If your mom is still alive, did
you give your letter to her? If yes, tell us what happened as
a result of your letter. 3) Even if your mom never received your
letter or if she has passed on, how did writing it affect you
and others in your life? 4) What “empowering message”
that stayed with you through the letter-writing process do you
want to convey to readers around the world? The results are awe-inspiring.
The responses will be on our new site launching in April of 2005.
If you would like to get a copy of them before this date, please
email Lisa@LisaDelman.com.
PageOneLit.com: What do you tell people
who say "Lisa, I have a difficult time expressing myself?"
Lisa Delman: Having a desire to express
yourself is all you need to begin the process. Most of us have
a challenging time at first communicating our genuine feelings,
because it reveals our innermost truths. Yet revealing our innermost
feelings in a safe environment gives us power, freedom, and a
voice. In this Project, writing is not about having perfect grammatical
sentences or judgment on yourself. There is never one way of
expressing yourself, and only you can discover the answers within.
We are here to give you prompts to help you in your journey.
Remember this is a beginning for you always. For some guidelines
to get started now and write in a heartfelt way, click on Ten
Ways To Open Your Heart to Your Mother. In April on our new website,
we will have a sacred place where you can write what you want
privately. We find that going through this exercise and knowing
that someone is listening has a positive effect on our well-being.
PageOneLit.com: Discuss your perspectives
of estrangement and healing wounds in relationships and rekindling
a bond.
Lisa Delman: It is essential to explore
your feelings of estrangement so you are able to heal your wounds.
It is most important not to carry these resentments along in
your life, and allow them to fester in other relationships. We
all have challenges that we must face. The message is to embrace
these tender spots as learning experiences, and allow them to
transform us to better places in our lives. None of us are immune
to the emotions of the heart, and must be willing to go through
the process to liberation. The moment is all we have, and it
is up to us to restore our sense of joy. The book, Dear Mom,
I’ve Always Wanted You to Know…Daughters Share Letters
from the Heart,
is not about how to have a great relationship with your mother.
It is more about women releasing pent up emotion and finding
peace within. Some have gotten closer to their mother as a result
of the letter, and others have not. There are daughters who have
a great relationship with their mother, and just wanted to express
their gratitude. Realistically, there are many women who will
never be close to their mother physically because she has passed
or for whatever reason, they have chosen to keep their distance
from their mothers. What is most essential is to release emotion
and feel peaceful of your decision. Only you will know if you
feel resolved or not. If you truly listen, your inner voice will
guide you to find answers.
PageOneLit.com: How can I purchase a book
or books of Dear Mom?
Lisa Delman: Dear Mom, I’ve Always
Wanted You to Know…Daughters Share Letters from the Heart
will be available nationwide in all major bookstore chains in
April of 2005. Availability may depend on the location of the
city. Additionally, there will be other products on the website
to purchase in April. If you have any questions, please email
Liz@TheHeartProject.com.
If you would like to mail something, please write to: Lisa R.
Delman, Letters from the Heart Project, 12555 Biscayne Blvd,
#775, North Miami, Fl 33181-2597.
PageOneLit.com: Dear Mom I've Always
Wanted You To Know. Daughters Share Letters from the Heart is
a remarkable collection of letters that are as uplifting and
inspiring and are opportunities for daughters to "open their
Hearts". How do you feel these letters will help and inspire
others?
Lisa Delman: At dinner, a man I'd just met
asked me if I thought writing a letter could create more peace
in the world? After thinking about the extraordinary results
of this Project, I responded, "Writing just one letter to
your mother will guide you to open your heart fully, release
pent-up emotion, and produce a transformation in yourself, therefore
in the world. The more we are committed to work through our fears,
the more insightful and peaceful we will become. For every time
your own heart lightens up, there is a positive effect in the
world and you can see the light in others.""
Often we hold our feelings inside, not knowing
what to do with them. Yet the more we avoid them, the more they
fester inside and eventually reveal themselves in unhealthy ways.
Because letterwriting is about writing to someone instead of
about someone, we can actually see reflections of our self in
all the letters. All the information in the world will not help
us reconnect to our hearts. Reading others experiences and the
process they went through will connect us instantaneously to
our own sensibilities. It gives us permission in a safe way to
explore our innermost feelings without judgment from others,
help us nurture our own emotions, and guide us to let go. We
need to feel these emotions in order to for us to resolve them.
A man read the book, and stated that anyone can
relate to this book, because it involves all the things we experience
in our life. Now we have tools to guide us through our challenges.
PageOneLit.com: You have said "It is
essential to explore your feelings of estrangement so you are
able to heal your wounds. In your opinion how important is resolution?
Lisa Delman: No matter what our status is,
no one is immune to the matters of the heart. They catch up to
us sooner or later. We often have regrets, and they hold us back
from living life fully, We eventually all begin and end at the
same destination. At funerals and when we reach the end of our
life, we often think of the things we should have done to make
it better. Yet, we always have an opportunity to now to do something
about it instead of waiting until it is too late.
What truly gives us the most freedom in our lives
is the willingness to work through our wounds instead of dwelling
on them, to prevail victorious beyond our circumstances and to
employ all of our challenges to better ourselves. Resolution
gives us the chance to truly begin anew, reconnecting to our
joyous hearts once again.
PageOneLit.com: In the letter "A New
Circle" , Cheryl Forbes writes "Mom, Although I was
born the daughter, I have been the mother for as long as I can
remember." How did this letter inspire and touch you personally
when you first read it?
Lisa Delman: I have emailed and spoken to
Cheryl personally. Both her sister, Krina (who is right next
to her in the book) wrote letters to their mother, and read them
to each other afterwards. After
reading Cheryl's letter, I was so happy that she got to a place
of peace by the end of the letter. She had resented her mother
for so long for having to take care of her. She finally realized
after she gave birth to her own daughter, that she needed to
accept her mother for who she was and not what she wished her
to be. Cheryl let go of the burden of having to worry about her
own mother, and could now begin a new circle mothering her daughter.
Awe-inspiring.
PageOneLit.com: From all of the letters
in Dear Mom, I've Always Wanted You To Know do you have
a personal favorite and why?
Lisa Delman: All the letters have great
significance and will make a difference for others. I love the
grief chapter, because this is where the Letters from the Heart
Project began and what propelled me to do this book in the first
place. It is the only thing that reminds us in the moment how
impermanent life is.
I also like "Realizing Love" at the end
of the book. All these women are so courageous for having the
fortitude to overcome their challenges and find their spot of
love in spite of what they have been through. We can learn so
much from them. They have bared their souls to help others in
the world.
PageOneLit.com: How many letters approximately
did you get for the book and approximately how many letters did
not make it into Dear Mom, I've Always Wanted You To Know?"Could
you share a passage from a letter with us here that did not make
it into the book?
Lisa Delman: I received over 1,000 letters
from around the world. Only 55 letters made it in the book. It
was a tough process sorting them out and deciding which ones
needed to go in the book. The format I created for the book determined
which letters went into the book.
Julie Christina Turgeon, Canada- "I don't
know if I can even forgive myself for ever saying to you that
I didn't want to talk to you. Now, I would give anything to sit
with you and talk with you. I look back, and think, I can't believe
that actually went to my room steaming because you were so interested
in what was going on in my life; I of course being the stubborn
teenager that you knew was just going through a phase that wouldn't
last. I was too young, too ignorant to understand the incredible
person you are." …
I think this letter is incredible, because Julie
is a teenager still. She has realized something so valuable early
in her life that will give her freedom throughout her life.
PageOneLit.com: Each letter in Dear Mom
I've Always Wanted You To Know. Daughters Share Letters from
the Heart reads almost like poetry rather than letters -
Can you explain this poetic feel?
Lisa Delman: Some of the women are writers
themselves who have the power to articulate their feelings
intimately. Others are not. They are all women who had an intense
need to express themselves and have others listen to them. They
have been holding back for so long.
This Project is divine. It has so much power beyond
my control. To think that my mother almost passed away and miraculously
recovered, and then the Letters from the Heart Project spread
around the world. There are many unforeseen things that are beyond
our grasp. This Project is one of them. It was meant to be, and
all the letters reflect the place of poetry that we dream of.
PageOneLit.com: Tell us about your Mother
and your relationship.
Lisa Delman: I am grateful that my mother
miraculously recovered and is well. We have a deep understanding
between the two of us. I am very happy that she is alive to see
that she is an integral part of this Project, and book. What
a great gift for her to witness and be involved in.
PageOneLit.com: What's next for Lisa Delman?
Lisa Delman: I plan to write about 4 to
5 other relationships, daughter to father, son to father, friend
to friend, letters to the soul, and possibly to our pets.
I also encourage women to articulate their emotions
on paper via letter writing-initiating a journey that often leads
to self-discovery, and healing past wounds. I plan to work passionately
connecting hearts of the world, through speaking engagements,
Heartshops (workshops), tele-classes, and upcoming relationship
book series.
She created a sacred
space online, inviting women, daughters to open their hearts
by writing a letter to their mother (alive or passed on) and
received over a thousand letters from around the world. In their
own words, daughters share the stories and feelings they have
kept inside for so long, expressing emotions from loss to unconditional
love, from anger to forgiveness, from guilt to gratitude. She
is founder and visionary of the international Letters from the
Heart Project® which was born out of her cathartic experience
after her mother suffered a near-fatal heart attack. Through
this process and her participation of many workshops in human
development, Lisa has discovered her own sacred voice as a woman.
She encourages all women to articulate their emotions on paper
utilizing letter writing-thereby initiating a journey that often
leads to self-discovery, healing past wounds, and an opportunity
to feel liberated. She has found through the results of this
Project that women will also find their voices and unleash their
truly empowered selves. Lisa is passionately committed to connecting
the hearts of the world through her speaking engagements, Heartshops,
tele-classes, and her upcoming book series. She has earned a
Bachelor of Science in Advertising and Master of Arts in Organizational
Design and Effectiveness. She has worked in corporate sales and
marketing for 15 years, increasing revenues tenfold. Lisa utilizes
her communication and marketing skills to create goodwill in
all her endeavors. She lives with her husband John, and their
two dogs and two cats in Miami, Florida.Lisa’s new site,
launching in April 2005, will reflect the programs mentioned
above, products, and insightful resources. Dear Mom, I’ve
Always Wanted You to Know…Daughters Share Letters from the
Heart, Penguin, April 2005 Dear Mom, I’ve Always Wanted
You to Know is a steady guide that can support you through the
complex and often scary terrain of making peace with your mother.
The process of baring your soul, unraveling your suppressed emotions,
and speaking from your heart will liberate you and bring light
to all areas of your life.